The 'Having It All' Fallacy
Your Highest, Hottest Self awaits...
As the spiritual seeker & self development queen you are, you’ve more than likely heard the notion that ‘you already have everything within you’.
& Quantum physics tells us that everything happens on an energetic level, or in the spiritual realm, before making manifest in the physical, and that your physical reality is images of the mind pushed out / expressed
But so, if that’s the case, then why do we demonize & criticize ppl (women in particular) for wanting to have it all!? (Hell, sometimes just for wanting more)
Why is wanting to have, or actually having it all, seen as hedonism or heresy?
I mean, doesn’t it make sense — if your physical reality is a reflection of your inner world, then isn’t manifesting a life that mirrors on the outside the beauty & abundance inside you something like your birthright (in this lifetime)? 🧐
(it is in fact hereditary/human — you are the heiress of the good life, of having it all & experiencing & expressing all that you are)
The problem is three-fold:
I. The Do-Be-Have Equation flip (AKA the Self Development Hoax)
"The human equation was always meant to be like this: to move from being to doing to having.
This means we were never meant to act in order to find fulfillment. Fulfillment was seen as an inner condition. It could not be pursued externally. We act in order to express our fulfillment, not to acquire it. We act in order to celebrate our inner completeness, not to pursue it.
For most people, however, this simple equation is reversed. Most people do in order to be. They act because they feel incomplete."
— excerpt from "Karma" by Sadhguru
This kind of putting the cart before the horse keeps you hustling for your self worth, pursuing surface-level satisfaction that never seems to last, and striving to get your shit together all the while feeling like something is wrong with you (or like the Universe kinda hates ya)
II. Societal influences inspiring you to live antithetical to true nature
We’re fed almost from birth ideas & images about who & what we should be in order to be worthy of love, acceptance, and living a good life.
These are your inherited dreams {ex. parental, cultural, the “American dream”}, + the algorithms feeding you the next aesthetic trend & influencers telling you what to buy to get xyz look.
Case in point: We live in an era & world where our personal spaces have a greater impact on our wellbeing now more than ever, yet the resale value of your home is expected to influence the design more than your own personal values & vibes & the vision you hold for your unique lifestyle.
— & While seemingly harmless, upholding the status quo only gets in the way of your true Self + Soul connection & diminishes any chances for Personal Style & Self Expression
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment — Ralph Waldo Emerson
III. Your Self Concept, Creation & Consistency
Self Concept = internal self image, Self Creation = external self image
“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not”
You’ll only allow yourself to expand to the extent you see yourself being the kind of person capable of doing so.
So if you’re replaying narratives of “not enough” like it’s your favorite song, dabbling (or drowning) in self sabotage & settling for less, sliding back into the familiar status quo, or feeling unworthy/incapable of the life you want (low self esteem)…
It’s not about finding yourself, it’s about creating (founding) yourself (& then finding yourself exactly where you knew you’d always be, or somewhere better than you could’ve ever imagined)
It’s the past version of yourself that you won’t let go of, and the future version you won’t allow yourself to grow into
When it comes to harmonizing your internal Self Concept + external Self Creation, there’s one final piece you need to consider:
The Self Consistency Fallacy
This is the self-consistency fallacy at play: the misguided assumption that "I have always acted in a certain way; therefore, I must continue to act in this way." It's an invisible yet powerful force that affects our path whenever we find ourselves at a crossroads.
— ness labs
Self IMG is so important bc all life is is a series of decisions. In every moment, whether you’re having the time of your life or just had the rug pulled out from under you, the question you need to answer is, “who do I want to be?”. “How do I want to show up for myself in this moment?”
Being stuck in this loop prevents lasting change & any kinda change, really. Bc reality will continue to recreate itself the more you make decisions that reinforce & reinstate your worn-out, outdated Self IMG.
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The solution is also three-fold:
(1) FREE yourself from the Self Consistency Fallacy,
(2) RADICALLY transform your Self Concept (radical self love & acceptance) by FLIPPING the do-be-have equation, &
(3) Use Self Creation/the RECREATIONAL A.R.T.S (Self Actualization, Reinvention, & Transcendence) to call in your own personal RENAISSANCE
STOP 🛑
Hiding behind your (never-ending) healing journey,
Allowing the world to homogenize your self expression (being afraid of the things that make you stand out, turning you into just another content creator, just another somebody influenced into buying the Upper East Side/Mob Wife aesthetic, designing your home for resale value AKA making the same choices everyone else is that lack taste & soul).
& finally stop (for the love of all things holy) pressuring/forcing/convincing yourself to be humble (not going after what it is you truly desire bc you’re following someone else’s rule book or story of success, being willfully ignorant of your power to manifest the life of your dreams, playing small in life & biz, hoping it’ll keep you safe while also somehow getting you noticed or getting you the love you deserve & desire)
{stop hiding, healing & hoping for a change} &
START ❇️
Showing up as your Highest, Hottest Self & being the Hero of your own story…
Becoming your own muse, adopting a designer’s mindset, & make living itself an artform (look, live, & feel like a work of art)
Being Energetically Elitist & ok w it (holding your ideal energetic signature & accepting nothing less than the best from life)
Being Full of Yourself, in a good way. Cus when you stop tryna fill the voids inside you w other people’s ideas of you & fall in love w your unique essence, you’ll amaze yourself at the fact that you are who you say/thought you were & you’re capable of achieving your wildest dreams & thensome…
Friend, we were born into a world that wants - no - needs you to forget who you are…
& you know why that is? So they can sell it to you. They can sell you your beauty, your worth, your lovability in a bottle.
I want to be clear this ain’t the pot calling the kettle black. SUBLIME BY DESIGN is ONLY for you if you’re ready to design a life that mirrors on the outside the dopeness you already know you are inside. Not bc you feel like you need to be more, but bc you know you are more & you’re ready to claim more as your birthright & make it your reality (+ have fun & look good while doing it…)
SBD is the ultimate life design & management system for women who want to look, feel, and live like the girl of their dreams 💅🏽☁️
So,
If you want the finer things in life bc you are the finer things in life..
If you believe in shooting stars and shoes & cars…
If you can easily identify as both a Mystical & a Material Goirl…
& If you’re equal parts High Achiever/Big Dreamer, and Lady of Leisure…
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The question is not, “do you have what it takes?”.
It’s, “are you willing to do what it takes?”.
Or better yet, “can you learn to be the person that already has the life you want?”
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Bc what you get from achieving your dreams & building the life of your dreams is peanuts 🥜 in comparison to who you’ll become in the process & as a result.